When I was a nipper, knee high to a grasshopper
I read the Dandy, Beano, Beezer and Topper.
I’d lie under my blankets – torch in my hand
just to save electric you should understand.
A black and white cat long before Postman Pat
adorned the front page, it was Korky the Cat’
Inside the comic was the world’s strongest man
who ate only cow pie, he was called Desperate Dan.
If you were born nosy and just needed a mate
you could always team up with young Keyhole Kate
I recall Winker Watson always had a plan
If you liked army things Corporal Clot was your man.
If hungry Horace had food he was full of joy
an obese and gluttonous well- rounded boy,
To see good beat evil you read Bully Boy and Chips
the Dandy back then had real characters in strips.
But then, the Beano was good, in fact all the rage
with Biffo the Bear to enhance the front page,
The resident troublemaker Minnie the Minx
was supported quite badly by Jonah the jinx.
Always with his gang, Lord Snooty was no fool
Contrary Mary was his unfriendly mule.
Swanky Lanky Liz with Polly and Pongo
not forgetting Doubting Thomas and Big Fat Joe.
Dennis the Menace always up to no good
so were the Three Bears who lived down in the wood,
There’s a native American known as Little Plum
if you want answers fast, Billy Wizz will find you some.
The Bash Street Kids wandered everywhere in town
Herbert ‘Erbert’ Hoover and Frederick ‘Fatty ‘Brown
Aristotle ‘Smiffy’ and James ‘Spotty’ Cameron
remember ‘Plug’ Pugsley and Daniel ‘Danny’ Morgan.
Every Tuesday the Beezer would come on sale
with Pop, Dick and Harry on the front it couldn’t fail,
those terrible twins disobeyed their fat old dad,
always got the best of him leaving him so sad.
Another old favourite was military Colonel Blink
a bowler hatted brolly toting short-sighted gink.
Brainy, Dopey, Lanky, titch, Fatty, Cookie too
were the Banana Bunch every week for you.
The Numbskulls were all living up inside a man’s head
His mouth housed two numbskulls named Alf and Fred,
In the ear was Luggy with Brainy in the brain
Cruncher, snitch and Blinky all lived in his domain.
Another tabloid comic, the Topper was the best
Front page was Mickey the Monkey a likeable pest,
Beryl the Peril looking good in red and black
With Send for Kelly secret agent at the back.
I hope you’ve enjoyed my look at yesteryear
So much more to cover to fill you all with cheer
So many more characters to put upon your plate
From way back in the sixties, when Britain was great.