Christmas Wannabe

Too many mince pies, have left my clothes

feeling very tight,

I’ve grown a beard during lockdown

and my hair is turning white.

A pint of Guinness is never enough

I always ask for more,

I try to exercise but I can’t

even get through the door.

The grandchildren call me fatty

then laugh and run away,

But like my friend the Childcatcher

I’ll catch them all one day.

Meanwhile I sit and eat more food

piling on the weight,

I need to go out and find a job

before it’s far too late.

I scoured the local newspapers

but all to no avail,

Then one day out of the blue I had

an invite in the mail.

It seems the grandkids wrote and said I

was perfect for the post,

I went along for an interview

and I’m not one to boast

But I’ve got myself a lovely job

with lots of gifts and loot,

They gave me matching boots and belt.

And a lovely big red suit.

It’s at a place called Hamley’s

surrounded by reindeer,

But the beauty of it is you see

it’s only once a year!